Everyone Should Be An Illegal

In my early 20s, with not much more than a taste for the fast life and a pretty girlfriend, I moved to Los Angeles. We had saved up a few months' rent, which we paid in advance because we knew we were too irresponsible to keep it, and (I believe) $3,000 in cash. I thought we were rich. She was terrified.

Like I said, she was a pretty young girl in her 20s—she made friends easily. I was a loud, abrasive curmudgeon wearing jeans and cowboy clothes (not in a hipster way) as I stumbled down Hollywood Boulevard with a Southern accent. I did not make friends easily. I was unabashedly me. I did not try to assimilate, change my language, or melt into the pot. I just wanted to live my own life at my own pace.

Los Angeles can be very lonely for the wrong kind of misfit. I had my girl, but when she wasn’t around, it was just me.

One fine Sunday, I decided to get drunk—as I did in those days. I found my way to a little bar called the Cantina.

A group of Mexicans (I say Mexicans; they could have been any nationality—I just know they were from south of San Diego) spotted me drinking alone at the bar, and one came over to me.

“Where are your friends?”

“I just moved here; I don’t have any,” I said humbly.

“Ahh, well, you do now!”

We laughed, watched football, told our stories, and got very drunk. It was the first pleasant experience I had in that town. Looking back now, a lot of the people who touched my life the most—helped me when I was down and celebrated when I was high—were immigrants. Some legal, some not. We never bothered to care how the government felt about our status.

I’m not a leftist by any means. Some of you reading me for the first time won’t believe that, but those familiar with me are keenly aware. I’m very much a pro-life, pro-gun, pro-property-rights voluntaryist/agorist, if we need labels.

Others are probably saying: “That’s great, Mike—you have an anecdotal story about making friends with immigrants—but this nation is under attack, and open borders isn’t the solution.”

I don’t disagree completely. There are immigration issues that need to be solved. I just think there are better, more human, and liberty-centric solutions.

The state has always divided individuals along race-centric lines—this time is no different. You can see it in the way both sides switch their arguments: right-leaning libertarians like Dave Smith making what would normally be called a leftist case, and leftists of every variety backing corporate subsidies and big-ag employment schemes. Then there are the so-called Christian conservatives, eager to break up families and deport peaceful, productive people for entering the holy land without Caesar’s permission. On the other side, you’ve got radical leftists pushing to let in every bad apple, hand them a roof, a check, and a vote. Stir all of that together, and you get a perfect, state-sponsored stew of political theater—while the state keeps growing, looting, and villainizing.

The correct way to deal with immigration isn’t to succumb to the notion of collectivism and government property, to be hateful and cruel, or to lay down like a doormat. The easier and more appropriate way would be to remove the problem at the root. The obvious answer is to eliminate the welfare state entirely, but before you lose your cool, I realize that’s not realistic. Ending the payroll tax is, though. Allowing individuals to protect their own property without fear of state retribution is. Abolishing the income tax isn’t easy, but it’s certainly a more productive rallying cry to the masses than “send them all to Alligator Alcatraz.”

There are real policy solutions that would be far more effective than a military state prowling our streets, turning our businesses into checkpoints, and our lives into paperwork inspections. Beyond the immorality, it’s impractical. If blowback from distant lands has been a problem, imagine the consequences of demonizing, tyrannizing, and ostracizing our neighbors just across the border.

Immigration, like most major issues throughout history, is a government-created crisis that giving government more arms and power will only worsen. These answers never come from the ballot box or the Oval Office but always from the kitchen tables and town streets. The key to solving the immigration issue turns the same lock that would cage the Leviathan: be the rebellion. The goal isn’t to force your neighbor to tithe more to the holy state—it’s for you to tithe less. Or nothing. Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s: nothing. Give to God what is God’s: everything.

Instead of buying your food from big agriculture, find a local farmer. Your food will be cleaner, the slave market for immigrants will crash, and government will take in less revenue. Deal in cash or barter. Use businesses that operate off the books as much as possible. Learn a trade or skill and use it.

Protect your home and your community from authoritarianism. Governments, especially local ones, are much more of a danger to your way of life, your pocketbook, and your liberty than any imaginary border crossing ever will be. I’ve heard that no human should ever be called an illegal. I think it may be better if we all were.